Forgiveness is one of the most challenging and powerful principles in the Christian faith. When we’ve been deeply hurt, betrayed, or wronged by someone we trusted, forgiveness can feel impossible. However, the Bible teaches that forgiveness is essential—not just for reconciliation with others, but for our own healing and peace.
As difficult as it may be, forgiveness allows us to let go of the burden of resentment and opens the door to God’s healing grace. Healing from past hurts is a journey that requires time, faith, and a willingness to trust God’s power to restore what has been broken.
1. The Biblical Command to Forgive
Forgiveness is not just a suggestion in the Bible—it’s a command. Jesus taught clearly about the importance of forgiveness, both in His words and His actions. He not only called us to forgive, but He also modeled forgiveness in His life, even toward those who crucified Him.
- Jesus’ Teaching on Forgiveness: In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” This passage shows how seriously God takes forgiveness, emphasizing that our ability to receive His forgiveness is tied to our willingness to forgive others.
- Forgiveness as a Reflection of God’s Grace: Colossians 3:13 reminds us to “bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The call to forgive is based on the fact that we, too, have been forgiven. Just as God offers us grace for our sins, we are called to extend that grace to those who hurt us.
Though it is a command, forgiveness is more than an obligation—it is an invitation to experience the freedom and peace that come with letting go of bitterness and allowing God to heal our hearts.
2. Why Forgiveness is Essential for Healing
Many people hold on to unforgiveness because they believe it protects them from further pain. They may feel that forgiving someone lets the offender “off the hook” or minimizes the harm they’ve caused. However, holding on to unforgiveness doesn’t shield us from pain—it actually prolongs it.
- Unforgiveness Harms You, Not the Offender: When we hold onto anger, bitterness, or resentment, it keeps us trapped in the past. It can eat away at our peace, joy, and emotional health. In some cases, it may even affect our physical health. As one famous quote says, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” Refusing to forgive doesn’t hurt the offender—it harms us.
- Forgiveness Frees You from Bitterness: Choosing to forgive releases the burden of carrying anger and resentment. It doesn’t mean that what happened was okay or that the pain wasn’t real. But it means you no longer allow the offense to control your heart or your life. Forgiveness frees you to move forward, open to God’s healing power and peace.
- Forgiveness is Key to Emotional and Spiritual Healing: When we forgive, we make space for God to begin healing the deep wounds caused by betrayal, abandonment, or abuse. Healing can’t fully take place when bitterness and anger are still occupying our hearts. By forgiving, we invite God to restore our souls and lead us to wholeness.
Forgiveness is not an instant solution, but it is the first step toward emotional and spiritual healing. As we release our pain to God, He meets us with His grace, helping us heal in ways we could never achieve on our own.
3. Steps Toward Forgiveness and Healing
Forgiveness is a process, and healing takes time. It’s important to recognize that the journey of forgiveness is not linear—there may be ups and downs, setbacks, and moments of difficulty. But with God’s help, we can take practical steps to move forward on the path to healing.
- Acknowledge the Hurt: The first step in forgiveness is acknowledging the pain you’ve experienced. Ignoring or suppressing your emotions doesn’t lead to healing. Instead, be honest with yourself and with God about the hurt you feel. God cares about your pain, and He invites you to bring your burdens to Him (Matthew 11:28).
- Pray for the Strength to Forgive: Forgiveness is not something we can always do in our own strength. Sometimes the hurt is so deep that we need God’s help to soften our hearts. Ask God to give you the strength, grace, and desire to forgive, even when it feels impossible.
- Make the Choice to Forgive: Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. You don’t have to wait until you “feel” like forgiving to begin the process. Choose to forgive, even if the emotions haven’t caught up yet. Trust that God will honor your decision and help you through the emotional part of the journey.
- Release the Offender to God: Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to reconcile with the person who hurt you, especially if the relationship is unhealthy or unsafe. Instead, release them to God. Trust that God will handle justice and consequences, and you no longer need to carry the weight of resentment.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: Some hurts are so deep and complex that it may be necessary to seek the help of a Christian counselor or therapist. Professional guidance can help you process the pain, navigate the forgiveness journey, and work toward emotional healing in a healthy and biblical way.
Each step on the path to forgiveness brings you closer to the healing and peace that only God can provide. As you move forward, trust that God is working in your heart, even when the process feels slow or difficult.
4. Forgiving Yourself
Forgiveness isn’t always about others—sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. If you are carrying guilt, shame, or regret over past mistakes, it can weigh heavily on your heart and hinder your spiritual growth. Just as God calls us to forgive others, He also invites us to accept His forgiveness for ourselves.
- Receive God’s Forgiveness: 1 John 1:9 assures us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” If you’ve repented of your mistakes, God has forgiven you. Holding onto guilt is like denying the power of Christ’s sacrifice. Accept His forgiveness and walk in the freedom He offers.
- Let Go of Shame: Shame keeps us trapped in our past mistakes, but God calls us to live in the light of His grace. Romans 8:1 reminds us, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” If God does not condemn you, there is no reason for you to condemn yourself. Release the shame and embrace the new identity you have in Christ.
- Extend Grace to Yourself: Just as you extend grace to others, offer grace to yourself. Healing from past mistakes takes time, and growth is a process. Allow yourself the space to learn, grow, and move forward, trusting that God’s grace is sufficient for your journey.
Forgiving yourself is a key part of the healing process, enabling you to fully live in the freedom and love that God provides.
5. Living in Freedom and Restoration
The ultimate goal of forgiveness is freedom—freedom from the weight of past hurts, guilt, and resentment. As you walk through the process of forgiveness and healing, you will experience the deep restoration that only God can provide.
- Embrace Peace and Joy: As you release unforgiveness, you make space for God’s peace and joy to flood your heart. Philippians 4:7 promises that God’s peace, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Healing brings with it a renewed sense of peace and the ability to experience life’s joys without being weighed down by past pain.
- Rebuild Healthy Relationships: Forgiveness and healing also open the door to healthier relationships. Whether it’s reconciling with someone from your past or building new, healthy connections, you are better equipped to approach relationships with love, grace, and wisdom.
- Live Out God’s Purpose: When you’ve experienced healing, you can more fully live out the purpose God has for your life. Past wounds no longer hold you back, and you can move forward with confidence, knowing that God has brought you through pain and into a place of restoration.
Healing from past hurts allows you to live with a heart open to God’s leading, ready to embrace His plans for your future.
Forgiveness is not easy, but it is one of the most powerful steps we can take toward healing and freedom. By letting go of past hurts, releasing bitterness, and trusting God with our pain, we open the door for His grace to work in our hearts. As we walk the path of forgiveness, we not only experience emotional and spiritual healing but also the deep peace and joy that come from living in God’s freedom.
Whether you’re forgiving someone else or learning to forgive yourself, know that God is with you every step of the way, offering His grace, love, and restoration.
Discussion Questions:
- What are some specific areas where you need to extend forgiveness to others or yourself?
- How has holding onto unforgiveness affected your emotional or spiritual health?
- What steps can you take this week to begin the process of healing from past hurts?
